By Tom Poland, A Southern Writer
TomPoland.net
A restless boy grew up in the midst of forests and pastures. Outside of biking, reading, and exploring woods, the Augusta Highway entertained me. If Rambling Man was born on the back seat of a bus rolling down Highway 41, traffic rolling down Highway 47 banished boredom. It was like watching ships ply a great river.
Summer days I’d sit on our screen porch and guess which color the next vehicle would be. A bolder game was to stand by the highway and pump my arm so 18-wheelers would blow their air horns. Flying by, the driver would blast his horn like some great ship coming into harbor. It was great fun, but deep inside me lived a villain.
Maypops grew in a ditch along the Augusta Highway. These vines with their ballerina-like blooms inspired combat. I watched a lot of World War II and Korean War movies in boyhood. The maypop was a grenade. Maypops with a chunk of gravel in them were perfect for taking out cars. I enlisted my sister, Brenda, in my plan to hide in that ditch and hurl maypops at passing cars. We had to be careful. About thirty yards away sat my father’s saw shop. If Dad saw us throwing things at cars it would not go well for us.
Armed with loaded maypops, we couldn’t hit a thing but we kept trying. Along came a green Buick. I drew back and cut loose. Three things happened. I heard a loud ding. The car’s brake lights came on, and I cut and ran for home. Brenda did not.
I had hit Mr. Cliatt’s car and he promptly turned into Dad’s shop to tell him what his children were up to. By the time Dad’s belt had pelted my sister a few licks I was home in bed feigning sickness. That ended the Maypop Wars, but that ditch would get the last laugh.
Back then Saturday cartoons were a big deal. We’re talking real cartoons, not the tawdry stuff today’s unfortunate kids see. among them was Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner. The Roadrunner set me up for a life lesson. We were sitting on the porch one summer evening when neighbors, Bobby and Lois, joined us. As lightning bugs flashed and katydids sang their sing-song chorus, we talked about much of nothing. But then a mesmerizing topic came up.
“You kids ever been snipe hunting,” Bobby asked.
“No sir. How do you do that?”
“You get a big paper bag and go out when it’s dark and sit at the end of a ditch. Open that bag and hold it in the ditch and a snipe will run smack dab into it.”
“What’s a snipe?”
“A long-legged bird that had rather run than fly.”
The Roadrunner came to mind at once. I knew what to expect now.
“When can we go snipe hunting?”
“Tomorrow night.”
I was hyped. Wile E. Coyote could not hem in the Roadrunner but I would.
Dark-thirty, the time to hunt arrived. Carrying grocery store paper bags Brenda and I went out to the ditch by the Augusta Highway. She settled at one end. I at the other. Our parents and neighbors showed us how to hold the bags. “Be quiet Don’t scare the snipe away.”
Back to the porch they went.
We sat in darkness, an occasional car going by. After what seemed an eternity, Brenda spoke.
“Tommy, you got any”?
“No,” I said. “Shh … Be quiet or we’ll scare them away.”
I heard cackling, and it wasn’t a snipe. My parents and neighbors were having a good laugh at our expense. Years later I would take my daughters snipe hunting. I saw it as a ritual of childhood, having the wool pulled over your eyes. Don’t be naive. Don’t end up holding the bag from this fool’s errand. That’s the lesson.
I’m sure snipe hunting went the way of the hula hoop, 45 Rpm, and Kodak film. Revive this bygone ritual with your kids. You’ll have to request paper bags from your grocer, but it will be worth the trouble. Laughter is good medicine, and the kids can take a break from their phones. Pray they don’t google snipe hunting.
Photo from Tyrant Farms
