By Radley West
It’s the question we all hear daily: “How are you?” And while the socially acceptable response is a chipper “Good, and you?” sometimes that’s just not in the cards — especially when you’re running on caffeine and pure determination. If you’re exhausted (like I am right now), here are some alternative responses that keep things interesting, humorous, and, let’s be honest, closer to the truth.
The Classic Deflection
“Oh, you know, just living the dream!” Feel free to add an eye twitch for dramatic effect.
“Thriving! Well, surviving. Same thing, right?” It’s all about branding.
“Like a duck on a pond—calm on the surface, paddling like crazy underneath.” A great option when you want to sound deep and mysterious.
The Overly Honest Approach
“Like a phone on 1% battery with no charger in sight.” AKA, send help.
“I’m somewhere between ‘I could use a nap’ and ‘I need a new identity.’” This response is best delivered while staring off into the distance.
“Currently auditioning for the role of ‘functional adult.’ It’s not going well.” Hey, at least you’re trying.
The Dramatic Flair Option
“I have approximately three brain cells left, and they are all fighting for dominance.” Perfect for those days when thinking feels optional.
“You ever see a raccoon in a dumpster at 3 am? That, but with better fashion sense.” A good choice for anyone who thrives in organized chaos.
“Hanging in there like a cat on a motivational poster.” Bonus points if you make the clawing motion.
The Existential Crisis Route
“What is ‘doing’ really? Are any of us truly ‘doing’ anything?” This is a great way to make the person regret asking.
“You ever watch a toddler negotiate bedtime? That’s me trying to convince myself to be productive.” Relatable. Too relatable.
“I am but a leaf, floating aimlessly in the wind.” Say this and then walk away. No further explanation.
Final Thoughts
Let’s be real—sometimes you don’t have the energy for small talk. Whether you go for humor, brutal honesty, or straight-up nonsense, answering “How are you?” should at least be entertaining. So, next time someone asks, feel free to mix it up. After all, if you’re exhausted, you might as well have fun with it!
Radley West is married to Dr. Andrew West and together they own Anytime Fitness Lake Murray and 33/18 Chiropractic Associates. Radley is a gym owner and personal trainer with more than 20 years of experience helping people achieve non-traditional health goals. She and her team approach fitness by teaching clients to build better habits and create sustainable, feel-good fitness and nutrition routines—no need for intense six-pack aspirations (unless that’s your thing).
