By Radley West
We all know the truth — you’re one minor inconvenience away from a full-on existential crisis. But does the world need to know that? Absolutely not. Fortunately, faking it is an art form, and with just a little effort (or at least the illusion of effort), you too can appear like a fully functional adult. Follow these five easy steps, and soon, people will be convinced that you’ve mastered the skill of having your life together.
Step 1: Own a planner (and use it occasionally)
Nothing screams “I have my life together” like carrying around a fancy leather-bound planner. Bonus points if it’s color-coded and filled with cryptic to-do lists that suggest you’re up to Very Important Things. Do you have to follow it? Of course not. Just dramatically flip through it while sighing about your “packed schedule.” If anyone asks to see your plans, mumble something about a “confidential meeting” and swiftly change the subject.
Step 2: Perfect the art of the confident nod
Confidence is key, and nothing says “I’m totally in control” like a well-timed nod. When someone starts talking about Roth IRAs, mortgage rates, or adult responsibilities you don’t understand, just nod knowingly, let out an occasional “Mmm, yes, absolutely,” and furrow your brow as if you’re contemplating the deep mysteries of the universe. If cornered for an opinion, respond with, “It’s all about balance,” and walk away before they can ask follow-up questions.
Step 3: Master the “I’m So Busy” Routine
The easiest way to look like you have your life together is to act like you simply don’t have time for nonsense (even if nonsense is, in fact, your entire personality). Respond to invitations with, “I’d love to, but I’m just swamped this week.” Keep a half-empty coffee cup at all times and sigh dramatically while muttering, “I haven’t had a moment to breathe.” No one will question your hustle if you seem perpetually stressed.
Step 4: Have at least one impressive-sounding hobby
You need something that makes you sound like a well-rounded, sophisticated individual. The trick is choosing a hobby that sounds complex but requires minimal actual effort. Saying, “I’ve been getting into wine tasting” is just a fancier way of admitting you drink a lot. “I practice mindfulness meditation” is perfect because you can technically do it by just staring out the window for a few minutes. If all else fails, casually mention you’re “learning French” — no one will ever ask you to prove it.
Step 5: Keep a clean surface in your home
Your life could be an absolute disaster, but if you have one clean, well-styled surface in your home, people will assume everything else is just as pristine. Pick one — your coffee table, a single kitchen counter, or a strategically placed bookshelf. Stack some unread books, add a plant (real or fake, no judgment), and place a scented candle nearby. If visitors unexpectedly drop by, subtly guide them toward this curated area and block all views of your actual living space. Crisis averted.
Final thoughts: The illusion is all that matters
Remember, looking like you have your life together is significantly easier than actually having it together. With the right mix of confidence, vague ambition, and a few carefully staged details, you’ll fool everyone – including yourself – into believing you’ve got it all under control. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a “very important” meeting with my couch. Stay busy, friends.
Radley West is married to Dr. Andrew West and together they own Anytime Fitness Lake Murray and 33/18 Chiropractic Associates. Radley is a gym owner and personal trainer with more than 20 years of experience helping people achieve non-traditional health goals. She and her team approach fitness by teaching clients to build better habits and create sustainable, feel-good fitness and nutrition routines—no need for intense six-pack aspirations (unless that’s your thing).
