By Radley West
The Two Most Detrimental and Overused Phrases in American Culture Today: “It’s Not Fair” and “I Deserve It.”
In a time when motivational quotes plaster our screens and self-help slogans promise quick fixes, two seemingly harmless phrases are quietly chipping away at the very fabric of resilience and personal responsibility in our culture: “It’s not fair” and “I deserve it.” These statements, though often said in passing or even as jokes, reflect a mindset that can undermine our potential and leave us stuck in cycles of frustration and entitlement.
Let’s break this down.
“It’s Not Fair”
We’ve all said it. From childhood arguments over candy to adult frustrations about being passed over for a promotion, “It’s not fair” is a phrase that feels true in the moment. But here’s the hard truth: life isn’t fair. And it’s not supposed to be.
Fairness implies that circumstances, opportunities, and outcomes are evenly distributed regardless of effort, choices, or personal accountability. But that’s not how the real world works. The only thing that is equally distributed among us is the number of hours in a day: 24 for me, 24 for you, and 24 for every person on this planet. What we choose to do with those hours is what creates the difference between where we are and where we want to be.
When we focus on what’s “not fair,” we waste precious time and energy comparing, complaining, and blaming. We turn outward instead of inward. Instead of asking, “What can I control?” or “How can I respond with strength and purpose?” we play the victim. And nothing disempowers us more than believing we are helpless.
“I Deserve It”
Equally damaging is the idea that we “deserve” success, happiness, love, or health without earning them. This phrase often creeps in after hard days, breakups, or personal disappointments: “I’ve been through so much, I deserve a break.” “I worked hard all week, I deserve this cheat meal/shopping spree/vacation.” But here’s the catch: wanting something doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it.
The word “deserve” suggests that the world owes us something. But in reality, the world doesn’t owe us anything. Results come from actions, not feelings. If we want a fit body, we must earn it through consistent effort and discipline. If we want meaningful relationships, we must show up with honesty, vulnerability, and care. If we want financial security, we must make sacrifices, learn, and grow over time.
This isn’t meant to be discouraging, it’s actually empowering. Because if nothing is deserved and everything is earned, then we are always in the driver’s seat. We aren’t waiting for the universe to deliver what we think we’re owed. We’re actively creating it through our habits, mindset, and work ethic.
Your Outlook Determines Your Output
The way you view your life shapes the way you live it. If you believe the world is out to get you, that others are luckier or more privileged, or that your past defines your future, you’ll operate from a place of scarcity and defeat. But if you believe you have the power to change, to grow, and to build a better tomorrow, you’ll act accordingly.
It’s not about toxic positivity or pretending everything is perfect. It’s about owning your circumstances and choosing your response. It’s about seeing setbacks as setups for growth. It’s about knowing that success isn’t handed out—it’s built, brick by brick, choice by choice.
Make the Shift
So, what happens when we drop these two phrases from our vocabulary?
We stop waiting and start doing.
We stop blaming and start leading.
We stop demanding and start earning.
Instead of “It’s not fair,” we say, “How can I make the most of what I have?”
Instead of “I deserve it,” we say, “I’m willing to work for it.”
That small shift in language becomes a massive shift in mindset. And over time, that mindset builds a life of meaning, purpose, and accomplishment—earned, not expected.
Final Thoughts
We live in a culture that tells us to chase comfort and avoid pain. But growth lives on the other side of discomfort. And freedom comes from taking full ownership of our lives—no excuses, no entitlement.
You don’t need the world to be fair. You need to be focused.
You don’t need to be handed anything. You need to build everything.
Because once you realize that your outlook determines your output, and that every day is a fresh chance to earn the life you want, you stop waiting… and you start becoming.
Radley West is married to Dr. Andrew West and together they own Anytime Fitness Lake Murray and 33/18 Chiropractic Associates. Radley is a gym owner and personal trainer with more than 20 years of experience helping people achieve non-traditional health goals. She and her team approach fitness by teaching clients to build better habits and create sustainable, feel-good fitness and nutrition routines—no need for intense six-pack aspirations (unless that’s your thing).
