By Radley West
Every morning, I leave the house like a responsible adult, keys in hand, water bottle, whispering sweet nothings to my dog like, “Be a good girl,” and “Don’t destroy anything I love.”
She gives me the look. You know the one. The Oscar-worthy performance that says, I can’t believe you’re doing this to me again. I thought we were family. And then I leave, full of guilt, assuming she curls up sadly by the door, dreaming of the day I quit my job to sell handcrafted dog sweaters on Etsy.
But thanks to my daughter, aka Tipsy’s dog-sitter, I now know the truth. And folks, I’ve been played.
7:45 am — I pull out of the driveway. She watches from the window like a tragic Shakespearean character. “Parting is such sweet sorrow,” I imagine her saying. Once I’m gone? She sprints to the couch and digs in like a teenager on summer break.
8:07 am — She flips over for a full belly stretch and uses her back legs to kick off the throw pillows in an act of glorious rebellion. She finds the remnants of the milk bone she hid earlier in the cushions and proceeds to make crumbies all over the couch.
8:30 am — Zoomies. Through the hallway, around the kitchen, back across the living room, skidding into the living room rug, which now resembles a crumpled tortilla.
9:12 am — She chews at a houseplant. The houseplant didn’t do anything to her, it was just there doing the photosynthesis it does.
11 am — Nap #3, possibly dreaming of meat, global domination, or both.
11:45 am — Potty break #5. Takes her time. Eats some crap in the yard. Finally decides to squat.
12:02 pm — Play time. Zoomies again up and down the hall as she chases whatever the darling daughter decides to throw in her direction.
1 pm — She stands dramatically by the door as if she’s been waiting there all day. She’s waiting for her other big human to come home for lunch, but alas she’s been fooled . . . it’s just the amazon delivery truck.
2:47 pm — A brief but intense confrontation with the baby gate that prevents her from worlds unknown.
4:15 pm — Prepares emotionally for my return by practicing the “Where have you BEEN? I thought you DIED” welcome speech.
By the time I walk in the door, she acts like she’s spent the day in silent suffering, fasting, and writing poetry about abandonment. Meanwhile, the house looks like it hosted a small hurricane and a medium-sized raccoon rave.
And yet, I fall for it. Every. Single. Time.
Because no matter what she did during the day, that tail wag, that happy dance, that furry little face that says, You came back. makes all the chaos worth it.
. . . Even if she did eat my sock again.
Radley West is married to Dr. Andrew West and together they own Anytime Fitness Lake Murray and 33/18 Chiropractic Associates. Radley is a gym owner and personal trainer with more than 20 years of experience helping people achieve non-traditional health goals. She and her team approach fitness by teaching clients to build better habits and create sustainable, feel-good fitness and nutrition routines—no need for intense six-pack aspirations (unless that’s your thing).
