By Radley West
Hello. It’s Tipsy. I’ve been observing the humans again.
Recently, one of my humans wrote an entire newspaper article about walking. Walking. A subject I consider one of my primary areas of expertise.
Naturally, I was excited to read it.
Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the article discussed the health benefits of walking, the importance of getting outside, and even how walking after meals can be good for you, and yet somehow failed to mention the most important walking expert in the household.
Me.
Now, to be fair, I have been the official walking supervisor for quite some time. I take my responsibilities seriously. Every walk requires careful planning, thorough investigation of smells, and constant awareness of neighborhood activity.
For example, when we walk down the street, I must stop regularly to inspect the grass. The humans seem to think this is unnecessary, but what they fail to understand is that I am gathering important neighborhood intelligence.
Who has been here? When were they here? Were they up to something suspicious? These are questions that require answers.
I also provide security.
If another dog appears, I alert the humans. If a squirrel crosses our path, I make it very clear that I have seen it and will not tolerate nonsense. If a delivery truck enters the neighborhood, I monitor the situation closely.
These things don’t just happen on their own. Someone has to stay vigilant.
Another thing the article didn’t mention is pacing. Humans tend to walk in a straight line at a steady speed, which I find incredibly boring. A proper walk includes frequent stops, small detours, and occasional moments where we simply stand still while I evaluate something fascinating in the distance.
This is what professionals call “interval training.”
Despite the oversight, I will continue performing my walking duties with the same dedication I always have. The neighborhood still needs supervision, the squirrels still require monitoring, and the humans clearly need guidance.
However, I do hope that future articles about walking will acknowledge the contributions of the household’s leading expert. After all, I have been training these humans for years.
Anyway, I need to go check on the squirrels.
—Tipsy
Radley West is married to Dr. Andrew West and together they own Anytime Fitness Lake Murray and 33/18 Chiropractic Associates. Radley is a gym owner and personal trainer with more than 20 years of experience helping people achieve non-traditional health goals. She and her team approach fitness by teaching clients to build better habits and create sustainable, feel-good fitness and nutrition routines—no need for intense six-pack aspirations (unless that’s your thing).
